As I sit on the
couch checking my emails, my 15-year-old daughter hurries in and begins
rambling on about something that she just read on her fan-fiction website. I am only half listening when I am suddenly
startled by my husband’s exclamation, “Look at me when you are talking!” My teenage daughter has a quirky little
habit; she fails to look at the person she is communicating with. The assignment to eliminate a nonverbal cue
was evident when I considered her habit. I knew that I should try to not look
at people when I was talking to them.
While it seems
that eliminating eye contact is easy, I had an extremely difficult time with
this. I am very outgoing and make a
point to look people in the eye while speaking and being spoken to. I was
taught that this gesture is a good way to show you are interested and help
others feel that they are saying is important, and that I value them. This analysis
was going to push me out of my comfort zone.
My first victim
was my 13-year-old daughter. She was one
of the most notable of the incidents. She had just returned home, threw her
stuff on my kitchen floor and began spewing the events of her choir lesson. I looked above her, and to the side of her
while my oldest daughter sat behind her laughing hysterically. It didn’t take long before she was checking
her hair, and looking above her. Then
she came out and asked me, “What’s wrong with me? Why won’t you look at me?”
Hilarity ensued behind her as her sister fell off her chair laughing at the
reaction my confused daughter was having.
I must say that this was a success. Within social circles it is
important to follow the rules of society with regards to making eye contact,
but in this house, it causes instinctive discomposure when the eyes don’t meet
during conversation.
Other attempts
at unease included my best friend; I took her to lunch, and attempted to avoid
her gaze. This resulted in complete failure on my part. I also experimented
with the clerks at the corner store. They are so familiar with me that they
noticed immediately that something was off; however, they failed to say
anything until after I asked them about it.
They stated that they just thought that I was having a bad day and that
they didn’t want to be rude by mentioning it.
Obviously, I make an impact with my eye contact and especially when I
don’t make it.
The final mark was
my husband in this awkward social experiment. When he came home he was
immediately offended by my aversion to his eyes. He grabbed me by the backside and proceeded
to put his face in my face while grasping for my underwear to bequeath a wedgie
for my failure to comply with the decency of social politeness. With my manic children
looking on, we fought in a tug of war of wills.
I unfortunately gave up and had to tell him what was up. In this research with my husband, I concluded
that some will respond with violence when the social norm is not being adhered
to.
Overall this investigation
was a delight and ensued amusement at every turn. I am glad that I had the
opportunity to try this and understand the impact that eye contact has with
those I encounter. This experiment was
also great for the daughter who has her quirky habit to avoid this personal
gesture. She learned what it felt like
to be the receiver of such a signal and has since tried harder to make eye
contact while conversing. So this above
all was a parenting win.
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